Thursday, February 21, 2008

So, you want to host a literacy event: or, Like a Monkey Fucking a Football

From our Knox College correspondent, we get this gem of an email:

Come to Kappa-copia!!
And Support Literacy!!!!
3-5pm in CFA Lobby this Saturday
Get the
Spinach Bisque form Landmark,
The cinnamon rolls from Packinghouse, and much much more!!!
Food, Games, and PRIZES

$3 at tabling or $5 at the door

Sponsered by Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma

Now, I'll draw your attention to a few little things about this posting. First, it's to support literacy. Literacy, defined by our old friends at the American Heritage Dictionary as "the condition or quality of being literate, especially the ability to read and write." Now, even setting aside the fact that they got the name of their sorority wrong*, we're still left with some dire questions.

There's also the matter of who's hosting this event. If we leave off a Kappa, we're left with the fact that its sponsered by the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority. Yes, those fine young women of KKG are the sponsers of this Kappa-Copia to support (one supposes they might have wanted to write it "suppert") literacy. We remain unsure who the sponsors are.

Moving along, there are still a few more howlers in this email. First, I'm not sure what "Spinach Bisque form Landmark" is. Is it spinach bisque that's been shaped into a model of the Landmark? Is it a particular school of spinach bisque preparation? Or is it simply a typo? My money goes on the latter.

And even beyond typos, there's their illegitimate gerundizing of "table." What exactly do they mean? Is tabling a real word for the act of sitting at tables on the quad selling tickets? Or do you get $2 off if you get past the door and only get caught while being seated at the table?

I would hope my readers know the old rule about exclamation points, but I'll repeat it in the event that any of the fine ladies of KKG are reading: "One or None." The colors are your choice, but a bit garish.

Finally, I would ask if anyone gets the feeling that they're raising money for a literacy program for themselves?

*there's no such thing as the sisters of Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma. That's one Kappa too many, as I'd hope they know.

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