So, both of my roommates are gone, and that means that my sleep schedule is even more frakked up than normal. As a result, I'm watching MTV2 at 4 in the morning, and sharing my thoughts.
Item: The singer from The Academy Is... looks like a girl. Not a terribly attractive girl, either. A girl with a fairly manly bone structure and a chip on her shoulder.
Item: Those American Apparel swimsuits with the semicircles cut out on the side look good on no person!
Item: Kid Rock has a new music video?
Item: According to Mr. Rock, you have a fire like the devil and you smell like sex. He said it, not me.
Item: Did MTV always show a commercial between each video? Is it a problem with our generation? Or do they just inflict this on insomniacs?
Item: Do you remember when MTV showed cartoons? And will they find something else to waste our time with, so subsequent generations will say "Do you remember when MTV used to show shitty reality dating shows?"
Item: Whatever motherfrakker in Fall Out Boy decided to to make a video about undernourished but still telegenic Ugandan youngsters needs to be beaten about the head and shoulders, at least until he can explain to me what heart-wrenchingly adorable diamond miners going on cute dates in the city and sitting in the grass in full view of a man with an AK-47 has to do with being from the suburbs and producing subpar dance-pop.
Item: According to the ever-informative Wikipedia, Mr. Wentz & Co. are longtime supporters of a charity called Invisible Children, Inc, which campaigns to raise awareness of the plight of child soldiers in Northern Uganda. I apologize for the cheap shot above regarding the video, but stand by my assertion of the subpar nature of their music, and question whether this really is the best way to raise awareness of the situation. But I still congratulate them for trying to raise awareness.
Item: There is no such thing as a bad metal video.
Item: Who the hell is Seether and why should I care? Is looking like a giant douchebag part of the act, or just a bonus for the viewer?
Item: Firefox's spellchecker doesn't recognize the word douchebag.
Item: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Jesus, the names keep getting dumber and the music more insipid. In my day, we had bands with good, solid names, like Braid and Hum and Jawbreaker, who played simple, dignified music that didn't suck. Damn-ass kids.
Item: MTV, why do you make me hate my country?
Item: Vice's stupid-ass internet TV experiment has partnered with MTV? All together now - "Selloutz!"
Item: Making fun of most of these bands isn't even a challenge.
Item: David Letterman is a stand-up guy. For real. Also, go WGA!
Item: Chormeo, even with all your corny-ass computer animation, you are still stuck in the 80's, and I'd like to remind you of the words of St. Craig, "the 80's almost killed me, let's not recall them not so fondly."
Item: There is nothing more pitiful than a band using terrible, stale imagery in their videos. "Oh, his girlfriend left him. Oh, there's a closeup of a turned over chair." Blah.
I'm out. I can't take this anymore.