Thursday, August 7, 2008

Liveblogging MTV at night.

So, I'm on hour 600 of Next, and this time, it's gay next. They've got a burly, ex-navy Filipino on, and his second date was a mildly gender-queer dater, dressed up as a sailor, with an origami belt, long hair, and an obsession with Paris Hilton. He walks out, and the sailor just goes, "Why the hell not?"

It was pretty fun. Kinda sad he got nexted.

I wish they did more interesting Next. This is the first time I've seen anyone but fey, kinny boys on gay Next. On straight next, all the girls look like Realdolls - vacant and overly plastic - and the guys look like all the douchebags you hope get arrested for DUI. I'd like them to mix it up. Match up "hobbies." A foot fetishist and a bus full of girls with pretty feet, a chubby chaser and a bus full of bears, some furries, I don't know - but something more interesting than a bus full of subbie assholes.

And now, random liveblog thoughts.
  • There is no need for student living with a 32 seat movie theater.
  • LL Cool J is accepting of the fact that he's growing old.
  • Someone smarter than me needs to do some cultural analysis on Next and gender roles.
  • Next writers are being punished for sins to terrible to contemplAmate. I'm guessing something from the 7th or 8th Circle.
  • Fuckers just made a frat joke.
  • A distressing number of peoples' facts on the show are about poop.
  • It's impossible to look like a real grown-up when eating a cupcake, which is why the proliferation of cupcake bakeries make me sad.
  • "What are you gonna do if you get instantly nexted?" "Probably go get a boob job."
  • To whom is MTV advertising?
  • I wish I could make noises like Charlie Brooker.
  • I wish I was Charlie Brooker.
  • America Ferrera is really pretty.
  • "For never seeing another ringtone commercial, text OH GOD OH GOD MAKE IT STOP to 22879"
  • The basic concept of Next is "Do what I want, bend to my will, be perfect." Probably not healthy.
  • I think it was Bill Clinton who said "there is nothing wrong in America that can't be fixed by what's right in America." While the Big Dog was a bit centrist for me, and both he and the country would have been well served if he'd soldered his zipper shut (or showed an ounce of self-control), I appreciate the sentiment. Watching MTV, I'm not sure he's right.
  • I want to be on Next - Boring people edition. I will accomplish this by being on "Made: I want to be on Next." I will make MTV my plaything!

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