So, There was a Man Man concert here in beautiful Champaign-Urbana last night. It was a good time - loud, fun, lots of dancing - all those things that make for a good live show.
One thing was off kilter, however. Freddie Mercury Mustaches.
This is the last man to actually make the Freddie Mercury Mustache look good - Freddie Mercury.
Now, there's nothing wrong with Facial hair. I've been known to enjoy wearing the occasional beard myself. But, gentlemen, there is appropriate facial hair and inappropriate facial hair.
Amish-style beards are always distinguished. Low maintenance, classy, generally go well with any face. And, they make you look like our greatest president ever.
There's really no way to mess these up. It's a good starter beard.
Now, mutton chops can be a good alternative if you want to set yourself apart from the Amish/Lincoln beard. Be careful, though - if you're not careful about wearing your mutton chops, you will look like a douchebag. The rule here is "go big or go home."
I was going to label stubble as "inappropriate," but then I realized two things. First, I am guilty of that one 90% of the time, and second, two of the world's greatest badasses are known for their stubble.
Now, you can probably get away with wearing other breeds of facial hair. But please, out of respect for our dear, departed Freddie Mercury, leave his mustache alone.